DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, and the insights shared here are based solely on my personal experiences. If you are struggling with an eating disorder or any mental health challenge, please, seek professional help. Resources are available HERE to guide you towards support.

A few weeks ago, I opened up about my personal journey, sharing the raw details of my struggles with disordered eating. The response was overwhelming and incredibly humbling. I received over twenty emails from readers who resonated deeply with my story, sharing their own similar experiences. To each of you, I want to extend a massive shout-out. Your courage to share your vulnerabilities, especially during what must have been incredibly challenging times, is truly inspiring. You possess an inner strength far greater than you realize, both emotionally and physically.

Today’s post delves into a topic that many of you have asked about following my previous article: how to overcome binge eating. This is a common and often isolating struggle, and I’m committed to sharing my path to recovery. As you read through my experiences and the strategies that helped me, please don’t hesitate to reach out. Feel free to use the comment section below or send me an email with any questions you might have. I am an open book and genuinely want to help.

Before we dive in, let me reiterate one crucial point…

For a long time, I believed that the day I stopped meticulously counting calories would signal the end of my struggles – my light at the end of a very dark tunnel. While it was a significant step forward, I soon realized it was merely a milestone on a much longer and more complex journey. My battle with disordered eating was far from over; in fact, a new and incredibly challenging phase was just beginning.

Binge eating quickly became perhaps the most stressful and deeply embarrassing aspect of my eating disorder. It plunged me into a profound sense of helplessness, a terrifying loss of control over my thoughts and actions surrounding food. This was a stark and bewildering contrast to my previous experience with anorexia, where I had maintained an almost obsessive grip on every single morsel that entered my body. To transition from complete control to feeling utterly powerless, unable to rein in my impulses, was a truly disorienting and painful experience.

I understand that discussing binge eating can be a sensitive and potentially triggering topic for some readers. If you find this content distressing, please prioritize your well-being and consider stopping here.

When the Binging Began: A Shocking Revelation

I recall with vivid clarity the exact moment my perception of eating disorders shifted, marking a subtle yet significant turning point. I was participating in a group therapy session at the University of Minnesota, surrounded by other young women, each sharing their personal highs and lows. Attending such a session demands immense courage, and I deeply admired everyone there. At the time, my understanding of eating disorders was largely confined to anorexia, which I struggled with, and bulimia. I had no idea of the diverse ways disordered eating could manifest.

The first girl to speak began sharing an incredibly graphic and detailed account of her bingeing and purging cycles. She described consuming upward of 9,000 calories worth of dorm food in a single binge. I was absolutely mortified. The concept was entirely foreign to me; I hadn’t even realized such an extreme form of disordered eating existed. In that moment, deeply entrenched in my own need for absolute control, I vehemently told myself I would never, could never, allow myself to descend to such a state. The irony, of course, is that I was then meticulously controlling every calorie, every bite, a stark contrast to the uncontrolled chaos she described.

That day, I walked away from group therapy convinced it wasn’t for me. As summer approached, I continued with individual therapy sessions and maintained my antidepressant regimen. I genuinely felt I was on an upward trajectory, dedicating all my energy to defeating anorexia. I had stopped counting calories, setting an ambitious goal of embracing “intuitive eating” – a concept that seemed like ultimate food freedom.

Entering my senior year, things indeed seemed to be improving significantly. Overall, I felt happier, more at ease around food, and genuinely believed I was recovering. Yet, it was precisely at this point, when I started to feel “comfortable,” that the binging subtly began. I was no longer battling the severe depression that had accompanied my anorexia, but a new, unsettling obsession with food took root. I remember waking up at 3 AM, unable to sleep, consumed by thoughts of my breakfast. The obsession was so intense that I would often eat it then, completely throwing off my entire eating schedule. This disruption, combined with my newfound “comfort” and a lingering fear of deprivation, frequently led to major binge episodes at night.

Understanding a Typical Binge: More Than Just Eating

For me, binge eating was often driven by a powerful oral fixation, more than just pure hunger. I craved the distinct sensations of crunchy textures, the refreshing coolness of certain foods, and the sweetness that had been so restricted during my anorexia. At its core, my binge eating stemmed from a profound inability to accurately read my body’s hunger cues and a devastating lack of self-control once I started eating. These binges almost invariably took place at night, ironically, after what I considered a “perfect” day of eating nourishing, healthy foods.

My binges typically involved sweeter (though often healthy) foods that I would initially classify as a “dessert.” The dangerous truth is, no food, regardless of its inherent nutritional value, remains “healthy” when consumed in ungodly, uncontrollable amounts in a single sitting. The pattern was agonizingly predictable. I would approach a snack or dessert with the firm intention of having just a small handful or a single serving. Yet, within moments, I would spiral, going wildly overboard. A planned handful of raisins would quickly escalate to one or two cups, often followed by something else entirely. If I had baked a batch of cookies, they would vanish in what felt like an instant. The same applied to grapes – I’d freeze them, hoping that their frozen state would force me to eat them more slowly, a technique often suggested for intuitive eating. But inevitably, three pounds, or nearly 1,000 calories later, the entire bag of grapes would be gone. The feeling of physical discomfort, coupled with intense guilt and shame, was always the devastating aftermath.

The Foods That Fueled the Binge: My Personal Triggers

My binge episodes, while intense, surprisingly revolved around a select few specific foods. The one that still causes me the most distress when I recall it is my excessive gum chewing. I’ve always been a habitual gum chewer, but during this period, gum transformed into a deceptive “sweet safety net” for me. Instead of indulging in an actual dessert, which carried a much higher caloric value, I would constantly pop pieces of sweet, sugar-free bubblegum to satisfy my craving for sweetness and the oral fixation. This compulsion often led to me going through six packs of gum – yes, you read that correctly, six packs – in a single night. The result? My stomach would become incredibly gassy, painfully bloated, and so uncomfortable that leaving my house was out of the question. You might wonder how one can “binge” on something not actually eaten. While not consumed, the act itself became a disordered coping mechanism, and surprisingly, gum does contain a negligible caloric value per piece, which added to my mental distress. The most perplexing part was my inability to truly recognize the extent of what I was doing while it was happening. It was only afterward, lying in bed, wracked with pain from the bloating, that the full, agonizing realization would set in.

Other common culprits I found myself unable to control around included grapes, cereal, and raisins. Buying anything in bulk from the grocery store became a source of extreme anxiety; I was terrified that I would lose control and devour the entire package. To this day, I’m not entirely sure why grapes and raisins held such a powerful sway over me, but I can tell you that now, both foods look and sound utterly unappealing. And then there was cereal and granola. It was impossible for me to sit down and enjoy just one bowl; it was always more like three or four giant bowls. Cereal, particularly granola, was and still is my favorite after-dinner treat, a habit that proved incredibly challenging to moderate.

My Journey Towards Recovery: Finding a New Path

My journey towards recovery, as mentioned earlier, was multifaceted. It encompassed one-on-one therapy sessions, the steady support of an antidepressant, the unwavering love and encouragement from my family, and, crucially, a profound sense of willpower that I had to cultivate within myself.

The turning point began in January of my senior year (2012) when I started dating Blake. At that time, I was caught in a relentless cycle of binging and restricting (though I never engaged in purging). The guilt and embarrassment I felt were immense, largely because I was meticulously hiding my binges from him, only indulging when he wasn’t home. Blake was, and still is, the person with whom I share absolutely everything, and this secrecy was a heavy burden. When we eventually moved in together, I reached a critical breaking point. I declared to myself, “NO MORE.” I vowed that I would not allow this disorder to dictate my life, nor would I let it make me feel guilty and ashamed around the person I loved most. This was the moment I truly committed to change.

Blake’s eating habits were strikingly different from mine. He followed a pattern of three substantial meals a day, eating intuitively whatever he craved. For me, eating just three meals felt impossible – I’ve always been more of a “six small meals” kind of person. Moreover, after years of rigorous dieting and restriction, I was utterly disconnected from the concept of simply “eating what I was craving.” Blake’s diet was rich in meats, vegetables, eggs, and fruit, and he didn’t have a strong preference for dessert. In contrast, I adored dessert. I would often eat a large, satisfying dinner, only to find myself still yearning for my “real” craving one or two hours later, which frequently led me back into the binge trap.

It was then that I made a conscious and radical decision: I would start feeding my body what it craved, precisely when it craved it. This didn’t mean I ate dessert for dinner every night. Instead, if I knew I was craving granola, I would intentionally make myself a Greek yogurt and granola parfait. By honoring that initial craving, I found myself feeling genuinely content and satisfied, without the overwhelming urge to consume four bowls of it. The crucial insight was this: if I didn’t acknowledge and address my body’s true cravings, I knew with certainty that after dinner, I would inevitably fall into the binge trap and eat that same food, but in far greater, uncontrolled quantities, anyway.

One of the most powerful tools that sustained me throughout this arduous process was the unwavering belief in myself and a conscious effort to maintain a positive mindset. I learned to embrace the idea that every day is a fresh start, a new opportunity to make better choices. True change didn’t happen overnight; it was a gradual, often challenging, transformation. But I refused to give up until I achieved my goal: establishing truly normal, balanced eating habits. Another significant catalyst for my recovery was the act of sharing my experience with someone else. My sister was the only person who truly understood what I was going through, and verbalizing the struggles, saying them out loud, brought a new level of reality and accountability to my situation. This external validation and the act of vocalizing my struggles were incredibly therapeutic.

Empowering Tips for Your Recovery Journey

Based on my personal path to overcoming binge eating, here are six actionable tips that I believe can significantly aid in your own recovery:

1. Honor Your Cravings Mindfully: Rather than viewing cravings as a sign of weakness or something to resist, learn to listen to your body and its desires. When you truly crave something, allow yourself to have a moderate portion of it. Denying cravings often leads to a heightened sense of deprivation, which can easily trigger a binge. By giving yourself permission to enjoy desired foods in a controlled manner, you remove their “forbidden fruit” allure and foster a healthier relationship with food.
2. Surround Yourself with Balanced Eaters: Seek out people who have a naturally healthy and intuitive relationship with food – those who eat when they’re hungry, stop when they’re full, and don’t obsess over every bite. Observing and interacting with “normal eaters” can help normalize your own perceptions of food and eating, providing a positive influence and modeling a balanced approach without the pressure of disordered behaviors.
3. Actively Challenge Your Comfort Zone: Recovery often requires stepping outside of what feels safe, even if “safe” is actually unhealthy. Intentionally put yourself in situations that challenge your eating disorder thoughts, such as eating out at restaurants, attending social gatherings with food, or trying new foods that might typically trigger anxiety. For example, if you’re craving a donut for breakfast, order that donut. Embrace the decision, savor the experience, and work on dismantling the guilt associated with “unhealthy” foods.
4. Set Clear Goals and Nurture Positivity: Write down your recovery goals – not just vague aspirations, but specific, achievable steps. Revisit them regularly to reinforce your commitment. Crucially, cultivate a mindset of positivity and self-compassion. Understand that setbacks are part of the process, but each new day offers a fresh start. Believe in your ability to heal and remind yourself of your strength, even on challenging days.
5. Share Your Story and Seek Support: The act of vocalizing your struggles can be incredibly liberating and empowering. Share your story with a trusted friend, family member, therapist, or support group. Speaking your truth aloud not only reduces the burden of secrecy but also solidifies your commitment to change. Articulate what you are going to do to overcome binge eating, both to yourself and to your support system, creating a powerful external and internal accountability.
6. Embrace Your Unique Eating Patterns: Understand that there is no single “right” way to eat. What works for one person may not work for another. If you thrive on six small meals throughout the day, embrace that. If you genuinely enjoy having pancakes for dinner occasionally, allow yourself that flexibility. The goal is to develop eating habits that feel sustainable, nourishing, and psychologically healthy for *you*, rather than conforming to someone else’s ideal.

So, here I am. It’s been nearly a year since I made those pivotal changes, and I can genuinely say I feel good about my relationship with food. I experience what I now consider “normal” urges to indulge, but they are always in moderation. My mind is no longer consumed by obsessive thoughts about what I eat, finally freed to focus on other aspects of life. I feel like a completely new woman, waking up each day with a renewed sense of purpose and a truly positive attitude. I intimately know the suffocating feeling of being trapped within your own mind, dictated by an eating disorder. This profound understanding is precisely why I can wake up each morning feeling incredibly free, immensely thankful, and deeply happy to be healthy.

Questions? Please ask them. I’d love to connect and chat!